Here a Quack,there a Quack...

Once upon a time there was a place..A place that knew no sadness ...where even feeling blue was a happy thing...it lied deeep in an enchanted forest...hidden away beyond a medieval village...
Well centuries passed and a hop skip and a boat ride away there grew a kingdom.The kingdom was ruled by beloved king and queen.They were blessed with a baby boy.
More than his looks,his heart charmed the people.He had all the luxuries of the world at his feet yet was rooted to ground.
Gradually he grew up  and entered a phase,which was powerfully disorienting and all consuming period in which his hormones did all the talking.His days were dotted with delicious daydreams and his nights were punctuated with text messages.His heartbeat raced,palms felt sweaty and body felt hotter than usual.

Yes he was in love.In love with a girl whose simplicity had captured his heart.She was purer than the fresh dew drops that sparkled on delicate flowers and  her voice had the power to bring life to stone.But she was the daughter of an ordinary man in the King's empire.
Everything was going amazing until  the  King and Queen came to know about the budding love between their son and the girl,
they summoned him to their chamber and uttered the three words of doom.. ‘LOG KYA KAHENGE’(what will people say)


So, the prince threw off his prince crown and set out on a long journey in search of these ‘LOG’, in order to find out what they had to say about his princely affairs.

Castle walls were jumped, the perimeters of the kingdom were traversed,snow  mountains were climbed and rivers were crossed in search of these mystical creatures called ‘LOG’. And just when his prince feet were about to give up, he saw shadows beyond a thick glass of fog. He dragged himself across till he finally saw a huge crowd of ‘LOG’ who were saying too much to decipher. Like a swarm of bees.

The prince concentrated on this particular lady from the gang of LOG, so that he could finally hear what the LOG said.The lady murmured in a thin voice “you know Sheila was wearing very short skirt in yesterday's party...how hungry she is for attention” to which other lady replied “This is nothing,i have a gossip much bigger than this.You know Mr Kapoor's daughter ran with a guy whom she was dating for 1 month.Poor Kapoors.Their reputation is ruined now”.The prince overheard someone else say “You know Mr Roy is blessed with a baby boy.But the people say the boy doesn't resemble anyone in the family”.The other gang member whispered “I saw so and so in a pub yesterday with her boyfriend drinking.I wonder if she is at all concerned with her parent's pride or not”
 The buzzing went on and on, till the prince fainted because of overloading of voices.

On opening his eyes, he again concentrated to hear more from the LOG. He wanted to hear more about the girl who ran with his boyfriend or about the baby boy who didn't resemble his parents or the girl in the pub. But he couldn't hear even a faint whisper about them, for they were now replaced by new stories ranging from “Monika's Plastic surgery” to “Payal's daughter's short skirt”. There were new stories and the old ones died a happy death.

The prince then understood that the gossip including his princely affairs are like Bread. No one relishes on a stale bread. Once the bread gets stale, a new packet of BRITANNIA SWEET BROWN BREAD is bought from Chotu ki Shop. The circle continues. The LOG need fresh dough every day.

So the prince returned to his kingdom and declared to his Daddy King and Mommy queen “The LOG  may have too much to say, but whatever they say has a validity period which is very restricted.They are like a pre-paid card with limited validity.I think I can survive that. ;)”

And so, the handsome  prince married the pretty girl and lived happily ever after letting the LOG go to hell.

The End

what_the_fuck

Writing after a long long time, but as long as it’s coming from the mind entangled with the heart, who cares.
         Of late I have been having this strange emotional fixes where things seem bright one day and the very next moment they are like dark clouds with the silver shining raped off. It’s like I have been seeing the brighter as well as the ugliest side both in the gap of a split second.
So I have been thinking a lot. I mean when your life is going nowhere and your college life is horrendously epic, you are left with nothing else to do than think. So I was thinking about some moments in my life which have made me actually go

                          व़ोट द फक 

 Yes!! I mean you use the F word a hell lot these days, but some moments flash up and these miraculous three words just drive past your eyes in Brick bold letters. i know i have done enough of cribbing now.today i want to write something to god

dear God

I would like to ask you something for myself and this is new for me in my 21 yrs of existence. But I don’t want toys for I am too old for that.  I want you to kill for me. I want you to be generous enough to do some real red blood work for me. I have a list of people I want you to kill because I personally believe that they shouldn’t be alive.

1)      People who assume that I give a damn- So Mr god, there are a certain bunch of self conscious bimbos who believe that I live to hear out their bogus life crap. These dung balls don’t even find it important to know if I want to hear to their cries of madness or whether I am at least vaguely interested in their saga. Why do they assume that my ears are free for their nonchalant bashing of bullshit?

2)      People who bring babies to the theatre-  these people think that a red blood thumb sucking flesh, draped in a hello kitty piece of cloth understands a movie and thus is eligible to watch a 3 hour show with the normal brained plebeians like us. Now most of the time the movie itself is crappy and what makes it even more terrible is the bawling baby leaking mucus down my sleeve, because I always end up sitting beside such a booby parent.

3)      People other than my family who are interested in my future- So sir, I am in my final year of engineering and people have started enquiring about my future plans. That includes my career, my marriage and sometimes even the number of kids I want to reproduce. I live a very instant, on the edge life and I don’t think of the future, mostly because I am a lazy ass numb nut who isn’t yet serious about her own life. Please spoon out the eyes of those who ruin my mind by giving their opinions as to what I should do with my life, when they clearly aren’t successful in theirs. Oh kill them too!

4)      People who think they are fat but are clearly not- I don’t have a problem with the anorexic chicks. I have a problem when thin sticks come to a whale like me and ask me if they are fat. I have an issue with the fact that they choose me to voice an opinion regarding their body mass index. They think it’s justifiable to call themselves fat when they are half my size. I think it is their way to coyly and innocently call me fat, without getting an earful and an ass whipping from me. Use a chainsaw when you kill them please.

लिस्ट कभी कतम नहीं होगि…. please deal with the above on priority !

yours

frustrated child *sigh*

p.s couldn't think of an apt title. :P :P

A letter to Rapist!

I am angry. Yes, and I write this in anger. And I write it since I can’t keep this anger inside me anymore.

Dear Rapist

Oh, I’m sorry.

Bastard Rapist.

Again, I’m at fault, being polite to you. A rapist doesn’t deserve respect of the society, let alone my apology. Bashing away with the greetings for the bastard, let me continue, this letter is addressed to you, you bloody fucker. I’m amused by the mind that you are in possession of, and I wonder how is it different from mine. I fail to understand what carries that wolf in and in what context makes you wish to feed it? Why do you fail to understand time and again, that you live in a society. Man is a social animal. And why do you have to time and again prove that man really is a social animal? I fail to understand.

And it’s true cowardice as to the manners in which you conduct your heinous tasks, howsoever pleasure you may find in it, howsoever satiation of your manhood occurs in it. I feel my insides burn up whenever I come to face with your activities daily. You seem to metamorphose and multiply faster than the common cold, mushrooming in areas all around and I hear it only from certain parts of India when it is glamorized by the media-tors. They sell your crime and you fools think it as an achievement to watch the four bearings of your activities screened continuously on the bright box in your dark room. I am angered, by them, and I’m angry on you.

But, wait, you can stay assured, while you carry on your hobby of raping the helpless, single woman in a gang, in the drug, or alone, your daughters, sisters, mothers, girlfriends and wives won’t be touched. 
No one would touch them, cause they are not you.They won’t touch them, because you have been assigned by the heavens, the wonderful task of raping, which makes me wonder, would you still laugh, doing this, in a state of mis-knowledge, to your own mother, sister, daughter, in a state of mis-knowledge, would you still laugh while abusing them doing the horrible task, the most destructive form of violence without arms witnessed by man. Would you still laugh? Kya tab hasi aayegi tujhe?

You Assholes, are also brothers, husbands and fathers to someone in this world, inspite of that how can you not realize the pain of a rape victim, you push them out of this world and take away all their happiness from their lives. Make their lives miserable. Do you think our society have same attitude towards the victims? They have to battle with society and again with your brutal breed. All these dark things haunt the victim. 

You perverted man ,will ever your ego realize how much you have hurt others. How could you think something like this was okay to do to someone? 
I think you don’t have a conscious. How could someone with a conscious do this to innocent girls?! You are also a selfish shit. You just care for yourself. You have never treated other person as a human it was just an “object”, an object of joy 

Bloody rapists realize that “Rape is not Sex” .If you can’t afford sex and cannot control yourself better “DIE” rather behaving like brutal bastards and filling darkness in someone’s life. 

And, that was all I had to tell you, my anger expressed in words. It might not have hit you right now, but, when my anger surpasses you in your virality, I’m sure, they’ll all ensure that you tremor even at the thought of your expertise.
I hope one day you will meet a strong and smart girl who will hurt you the same way you did to all, and waiting for that one day you will be in prison or hanged in the public. 
I pray god that you will suffer 100 times more than the victims and bear the guilt for whatever you have done 
Maybe you'll get more girls if you weren't, you know, A RAPIST.

Take care. You’ll need it soon.


Sincerely, 
The breed you fucked 

P.S: i am sorry for using abusive words, but i believe they deserve them

the BIG FAT Indian wedding!!

It’s been a month since I haven’t posted anything on my blog although I felt like doing it  so many times. However, I just can’t x-out the snoozy part in me .Yesterday i had a long chat with my dear friend and that very conversation made me to write this big FAT  post.So here i go...

There are two types of young  women. One, those who are enlisted on any or all of the various matrimony sites or Two, those who rebelled against it or are the fruits of the lions who rebel against it when it was their time. My friend believed herself to be the fruit of one such loin until she was proved wrong by being colorfully displayed as a ‘Simple, caring, traditional girl’ on a presumed to be a top notch matrimonial site. 

Like her I am about to enter a tragic phase of life. The phase which every person, be it man or woman cannot escape. The phase in your life which your parents have been waiting for ‘Like a Boss’. If you are an Indian, your life cycle has been genetically designed to endure the pain of arranged marriages, unless off course you create an outburst in your family and zip them up. This generally results in dramatic tears, exchange of chilli paste coated words and in the worst case scenario, disowning the offspring. 

I was born on 28th april 1991 at 6:10 am in a place called Udhampur in J&K and before my first birthday on 28th april 1992, my  Kundli was custom made by an astrologer who claimed that he was King Aurangzeb’s favourite general Mr. Mir Jumla in his previous birth :P

Just a few more months and i would step out of my student life and then I would be "The Ripe Mango" which my granny thinks should be sold fast. Everything that glitters is not gold and since it is the most essential item in any wedding, sometimes more important than the bride itself, the gold accumulation had started the moment I got out of school and into the my engineering college. 

Fortunate I am that my parents did not hitch me up while I am still in college.But its not the case with many of my friends.Many of them have their parents doing arrange marriage "tandav" on their head and i am pretty sure the moment I will be done with my college life, my mom who believes in pandits would  approach an assumed to be famous astrologer who would sleepily ask for my birth date, place and time. He would  then make some geometric designs on a piece of paper and write  utter gibberish and finally  come up with  a prediction that i  should be ruining somebody’s life by 25. :P 

*sigh*

BUT me....i am never going to surrender my wishes.Sacrifice is not the word for me. C'mon i am a fruit of that  lion who rebelled  against this arrange marriage shit.

Arranged marriage is like a menu card.

1. Caste-Subcaste 1, 1.1, 1.2...., Subcaste 2, 2.1.2.2.....

2. Dowry-Lakhs or crores. Anything less, its a road-side eatery

3. Things that come free with dowry-car, gold etc etc etc.....

its a one time opportunity for the guy's family. Its the culmination of the family's efforts to get a degree and a green card tagged to the guy. Probably India is the only place where we find a third source of capital- equity, debt and dowry. 

4. Assets-no pun intended ;) for god's sake...remember, the parents are reading the menu...

5. Color of skin- Dark(mentioned as wheatish), Fair, Very Fair

6. Education

The funny part of an arranged marriage is the afford-ability or freedom to choose from the menu. So surely its an advantage for the guys!! You get most of the things you want!!!

Does it end here? not yet....you have permutations and combinations of stars and planets that must match. I swear I will murder the next guy who discovers another planet in our solar system. We have enough to confuse us.

the most funny thing about this whole never ending crap is after shortlisting a few candidates based on the menu criteria comes the doom day..the actual meeting

After the usual "Namastes-jees" and "Beta idhar aake bethos" the BIG moment arrives. The bride-to-be-or-not- to-be arrives all decked out in the finest silk sari that her mom could borrow from the neighbors. Tea set in hand (which, of course, belongs to Mrs. Merateasetlelo(take-my-tea-set) down the street) she walks towards the groom-to-be-or-not-to-be a little hesitatingly. Her parents look at her adoringly forgetting for that instant all the hassles they had to go through to get her to agree to see this highly recommended catch. She peeks at the guy and almost faints!  

Bride-to-be-or-not-to-be: (Ewwwww! how can i spend the rest of my life with *this champu*!?) Hello (to the guy)Namastejee (to the ma and pa)

Groom-to-be-or-not-to-be: (*Drool*drool*drool* Hmmm...I wonder if my drool is very obvious? Maybe I should wipe it off...?) Namaste (to the girl). 

Guy's Dad: (Hmmm..I wonder if Mr. Ladki ka baap knows anyone in the Ministry..) Namaste beti (to the daughter). 

Guy's Mom: (Did I just see her stoop to the left a little when she walked...?) Beti mere paas aake baitho. 

Gal's Dad: (Hmmm..I wonder if Drool's-Dad knows anyone in the Industry..) Beti chai idhar rakh do. 

Gal's Mom: (God, I hope she doesn't drop the tea pot all over him... )

after all the drama and a few baseless chit chats the crucial point  approaches. A decision is made about the future course of action and whether these two lonely hearts will be united or an attempt at doing so .And this results in a senario somewhat like this

I might have an easy time understanding the concept behind rocket science .However the whole idea of  an ‘arranged’ marriage is beyond my scope.Chat mangni pat bhya..

The way marriages get ‘arranged’ superceeds the futility of love at first sight type-a deal...

A quality relationship deserves quality time to grow than rush in to idiotic societal pressures and the myth of marriageable age.What the heck is this marriageable age?We are shouldering professional responsibities but how emotionally matured are we to get into an alliance and stay committed for a lifetime.Its a big decision and not something that can be rush in a matter of eight days.so screwy…Togetherness is fantastic and wonderful.Do we plan our careers in haste?

Then why such a haste with regard to marriage?

p.s wrote in hurry..excuse me for  the errors if any :)

the day that was September 14

There are some days when .....
the alarm goes off and, instinctively, i hit snooze. Few more minutes of my time are not going to make a difference in my lecturer's life, is it? He can wait, I need my beauty sleep.

After snoozing it for about 4 times I wake up with a weight crushing my chest.The weight of still being Jobless.My hair refuses to behave and a large, red zit makes itself comfortable on my nose.Damn! not another crush! *sigh*

I brush my teeth and my half closed eyes catch sight of the price on the paste carton. WHAT?! My mind awakens instantly, HE CHARGED ME THREE WHOLE RUPEES OVER THE MRP?! How dare he, I’m never shopping there again. And then I feel a lapse inside myself as I think whatever, it’s just three rupees, what value does it have these days, anyway. Plus, the shop is so convenient….

As I make the coffee, I throw the banana peel into dustbin…. Cursing it when it miss it by a few inches.
 The toast gets burnt and the coffee burns my tongue.

I smell the fresh newsprint, like I always do, and sip the bitter brew while scanning the headlines.The advertisement on the side catches my eye. “NEW FOR OLD OFFER”. My thoughts wander…. maybe I should exchange my old laptop and the mixer for that new Inspiron I saw the other day… So sleek, so cool it was… Maybe…

I  head out, I’m already late.

I drop the phone on the staircase and it bursts into three separate pieces, the battery goes flying right down to the last step. After I reach downstairs,I realise that i left my room unlocked and the keys are still sitting daintily on my slider . 
Rushing hastily to my class i find the door locked.I nervously knock the door.I enter the classroom packed with students staring at  me as if i had asked them for a piece of property from their will :P 
The things go worse as the day passes by.i head home sadder but none the more wiser.One last sigh, one last prayer... Please let tomorrow be better. 

some days......

Miracles happen.Some days you get compliment from the most jealous mate.You get a note of appreciation from the most criticizing teacher.
You discover clarity of international calls on Skype.You suddenly get a job and you are no more considered unemployed.
You get bundles of greetings adorning your Facebook wall .And you finally give to see a glow of pride on your parents face.
 You go to sleep with a grin that refuses to be wiped off and a prayer... Please let everyday be exactly like this one.You once again begin to love your life.And your faith strengthens in sayings like after every storm, there comes clear open skies...

Moral of the day-You never know what tomorrow has in store for you so  keep living!Remember that in the midst of everything YOU have the choice of where your attention is placed and focused - so choose JOY!

PS: i thank all those who prayed for me with a true heart.I got the job because of your wishes(although i may not join it.But the burden is off *sigh* )
a big treat awaits you all :) :) :)

feelings overloaded

Update??

Yes i am still breathing.I know i am not doing justice to this space.It has almost been a month since i showed up but what to do.My final year of engineering has already started  and believe me it is not what i had been waiting for so long.Nightmare is the word for it.

Ever had to battle with the crowd of noises in your head all at once? All these voices seem to get louder the closer you get to graduation; as you are about to face the big bad world of bills, rents and student loan repayments.

This is the way I  feel  at this point when  I have received more rejection letters than I would like to think.I mean there was a point when i thought that once i got into an engineering college no force in the universe  could stop me to get my dream job.But no.Reality is very harsh man!

The icing on the cake is that you are in the same graduate boxing ring with hundreds of other graduates and post-graduates applying for the same job/position, trying to meet deadlines and catching those early applications and at the same time proving you are worth taking the risk on. All of the pressures combined makes for a battle ground of thoughts, choices and many ‘I don’t cares’. *sigh*

coming onto the other issue that is chafing  me now a days :

 I have been putting on weight and when I say it, I mean it. I am dead sure that the world is conspiring against me because I suspect that even drinking water is making me grow in degrees. Fine!! I have been hogging a lot and I blame it on the stale hostel food (read crap). I cannot forbid my mind from being fickle and I cannot make myself diet. I am not the kind who screams on seeing flab maybe because i have got well versed with its existence! I tell you something and i am telling you this after decades of experience. Ok! Not decade but years. Being fat or chubby isn’t all that bad. Offcourse you curse the mirror in the trial room, make yourself believe that it’s the cloth that has shrunk and even start wearing black to camouflage, but still.

But  the real man goes for heart.Not the bones.Bones are liked by dogs.(this is the only sentence that keeps my spirit high) :P and anyways my boyfriend loves me the way i am :) :)


Just came across a new definition of Calories

Whom am I kidding??!! If any of you actually fell for the above boyfriend wala  imprudent reason or the definition above, I am deeply sorry to burst your bubble. There is nothing good about being fat, and I should beat the Lazy demon within me black and blue and put on those dusty pink nike  running shoes. Procrastination is still running circles in my head!!!

PS pray for me that i get the bestest job which gives me bundles of notes.You will surely get a big treat then :)

direct from heart:the touchy post !

 MenKind,

Hey all.

Especially the male folks out here(although it doesn't mean the females are not allowed to read it ).This post is totally dedicated to you all.So kindly spare few minutes from you busy schedule and go through this small letter which I had always wanted to write for a very long time but never got the needed kick to type this down.

Since I am a girl and that too a college bunking one, I have a number of issues with you which I would like to bring to your kind notice. I know you will just laugh it off and if you do, I wouldn’t blame you because a majority of you are pathetically perverted like that. I would like to ask the beer loving soul of yours certain questions which have kept me perturbed for long.

Some genuine queries-

# There is something called Getting Bored. Just like the others of my gender and species, I too have Boobs and an ass to follow. I know you spend a lot of time browsing through images of topless and butt showing females online, but what I don’t understand is how you get amused by the so called melons rather than the face of even a properly draped woman?

# Some of your gang members smirk at me every time I walk down the streets sipping on my favourite ice candy. How can you possibly stoop low enough to think so perverted? A Lollipop wouldn’t be named that way if I were to chew it like a toffee. Things have got so out of hand that I think twice before ordering a Cornetto when your fellow beings are around. You can’t possibly expect me to bite the ice-cream off. Can you?

# You crave for a woman who is modern in a slutty way, outgoing enough to be mistaken as a whore. You forsake the innocent soul for the provocative body cover. But when it comes to settling down, you prefer the homely, traditional woman who is skilled in the culinary arts, ignoring the true bitch residing in her. Why so?

# You expect us to be understanding and listen to your irrational babbles when you return home drunk and callous. We too expect you to tolerate us when we are fighting our PMS every month. Quotes like “Never believe anything which bleeds for five days and still doesn’t die”  are just not cool for us to laugh at. We are made that way. What is so gross about that?

# Loosing your virginity is like a milestone achievement for you and the more women you have slept with, the more ‘THE MAN’ you are among your groupies. It’s definitely not the same for us here, atleast in India. But how can you possibly expect your wife to be a virgin when you aren’t? Many husbands might be cursing you for taking their wives virginity. Why don’t you look at it that way?

#WHY are you people so desperate and always give that exhausted SIGH whenever i pass by you.Is it something to do with the breathing?Why my boy why?Why do you sing those down market songs when i pass by?
If you really  have that singing sensation in you why don't you use your unexplored talent in one of those talent hunts? you would be better appreciated there.

I can go on and on and this letter can get as intolerable as Aishwarya Rai’s giggles. If you do not think that this letter applies to you, I request you to ignore the content and pass it on to the guy sitting next to you. Maybe he might relate to this.

Sincerely,

The Girl you whistled at yesterday evening.