Sunday, October 14, 2012

It’s been a month since I haven’t posted anything on my blog although I felt like doing it  so many times. However, I just can’t x-out the snoozy part in me .Yesterday i had a long chat with my dear friend and that very conversation made me to write this big FAT  post.So here i go...

There are two types of young  women. One, those who are enlisted on any or all of the various matrimony sites or Two, those who rebelled against it or are the fruits of the lions who rebel against it when it was their time. My friend believed herself to be the fruit of one such loin until she was proved wrong by being colorfully displayed as a ‘Simple, caring, traditional girl’ on a presumed to be a top notch matrimonial site. 
Like her I am about to enter a tragic phase of life. The phase which every person, be it man or woman cannot escape. The phase in your life which your parents have been waiting for ‘Like a Boss’. If you are an Indian, your life cycle has been genetically designed to endure the pain of arranged marriages, unless off course you create an outburst in your family and zip them up. This generally results in dramatic tears, exchange of chilli paste coated words and in the worst case scenario, disowning the offspring. 

I was born on 28th april 1991 at 6:10 am in a place called Udhampur in J&K and before my first birthday on 28th april 1992, my  Kundli was custom made by an astrologer who claimed that he was King Aurangzeb’s favourite general Mr. Mir Jumla in his previous birth :P
Just a few more months and i would step out of my student life and then I would be "The Ripe Mango" which my granny thinks should be sold fast. Everything that glitters is not gold and since it is the most essential item in any wedding, sometimes more important than the bride itself, the gold accumulation had started the moment I got out of school and into the my engineering college. 

Fortunate I am that my parents did not hitch me up while I am still in college.But its not the case with many of my friends.Many of them have their parents doing arrange marriage "tandav" on their head and i am pretty sure the moment I will be done with my college life, my mom who believes in pandits would  approach an assumed to be famous astrologer who would sleepily ask for my birth date, place and time. He would  then make some geometric designs on a piece of paper and write  utter gibberish and finally  come up with  a prediction that i  should be ruining somebody’s life by 25. :P 

BUT me....i am never going to surrender my wishes.Sacrifice is not the word for me. C'mon i am a fruit of that  lion who rebelled  against this arrange marriage shit.

Arranged marriage is like a menu card.

1. Caste-Subcaste 1, 1.1, 1.2...., Subcaste 2,
2. Dowry-Lakhs or crores. Anything less, its a road-side eatery
3. Things that come free with dowry-car, gold etc etc etc.....
its a one time opportunity for the guy's family. Its the culmination of the family's efforts to get a degree and a green card tagged to the guy. Probably India is the only place where we find a third source of capital- equity, debt and dowry. 
4. Assets-no pun intended ;) for god's sake...remember, the parents are reading the menu...
5. Color of skin- Dark(mentioned as wheatish), Fair, Very Fair
6. Education
The funny part of an arranged marriage is the afford-ability or freedom to choose from the menu. So surely its an advantage for the guys!! You get most of the things you want!!!

Does it end here? not have permutations and combinations of stars and planets that must match. I swear I will murder the next guy who discovers another planet in our solar system. We have enough to confuse us.

the most funny thing about this whole never ending crap is after shortlisting a few candidates based on the menu criteria comes the doom day..the actual meeting

After the usual "Namastes-jees" and "Beta idhar aake bethos" the BIG moment arrives. The bride-to-be-or-not- to-be arrives all decked out in the finest silk sari that her mom could borrow from the neighbors. Tea set in hand (which, of course, belongs to Mrs. Merateasetlelo(take-my-tea-set) down the street) she walks towards the groom-to-be-or-not-to-be a little hesitatingly. Her parents look at her adoringly forgetting for that instant all the hassles they had to go through to get her to agree to see this highly recommended catch. She peeks at the guy and almost faints!  

Bride-to-be-or-not-to-be: (Ewwwww! how can i spend the rest of my life with *this champu*!?) Hello (to the guy)Namastejee (to the ma and pa)
Groom-to-be-or-not-to-be: (*Drool*drool*drool* Hmmm...I wonder if my drool is very obvious? Maybe I should wipe it off...?) Namaste (to the girl). 
Guy's Dad: (Hmmm..I wonder if Mr. Ladki ka baap knows anyone in the Ministry..) Namaste beti (to the daughter). 
Guy's Mom: (Did I just see her stoop to the left a little when she walked...?) Beti mere paas aake baitho. 
Gal's Dad: (Hmmm..I wonder if Drool's-Dad knows anyone in the Industry..) Beti chai idhar rakh do. 
Gal's Mom: (God, I hope she doesn't drop the tea pot all over him... )

after all the drama and a few baseless chit chats the crucial point  approaches. A decision is made about the future course of action and whether these two lonely hearts will be united or an attempt at doing so .And this results in a senario somewhat like this

I might have an easy time understanding the concept behind rocket science .However the whole idea of  an ‘arranged’ marriage is beyond my scope.Chat mangni pat bhya..
The way marriages get ‘arranged’ superceeds the futility of love at first sight type-a deal...
A quality relationship deserves quality time to grow than rush in to idiotic societal pressures and the myth of marriageable age.What the heck is this marriageable age?We are shouldering professional responsibities but how emotionally matured are we to get into an alliance and stay committed for a lifetime.Its a big decision and not something that can be rush in a matter of eight screwy…Togetherness is fantastic and wonderful.Do we plan our careers in haste?
Then why such a haste with regard to marriage?

p.s wrote in hurry..excuse me for  the errors if any :)

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